The Letter I Wish He Would Read

This decision wasn’t easy, and it didn’t happen overnight. It took me a long time to get here, and I want you to understand that. I’ve spent years trying to make things work, trying to talk through our issues and give us every chance to improve. I know I’m not perfect, and I’ve made my share of mistakes along the way. There were times I could’ve been more patient or handled things better, and I own that. But at the same time, I’ve also been clear about what I need and what hasn’t been working for me.

For over a decade, I’ve stayed, hoping that things would change—that maybe if I explained things differently, or gave it more time, you’d see how much your behavior was affecting us. I’ve been direct, set boundaries, and communicated openly, but each time, it’s come back to me needing to be “nicer” for you to behave better. I’ve tried to be understanding, but I can’t accept that anymore. It’s not my responsibility to make you treat me with respect.

Your admission that you can’t “behave” better unless I’m nicer has shown me how you’ve chosen to avoid accountability. The stonewalling during arguments, where you shut me out and refuse to engage, isn’t maturity—it’s a child’s way of handling conflict. Making jokes at my expense instead of supporting me during tough times shows a lack of consideration. And then there’s your refusal to help around the house, as if you believe that chores are beneath you or that I should handle everything because I’m more “capable.” 

One of the hardest realizations for me has been thinking about our daughter. I’ve started to see how accepting your childish behavior is not just affecting me but also h
er. I don’t want her to grow up thinking it’s okay for men to avoid responsibility or that maturity isn’t necessary. By allowing this dynamic to continue, I feel like I’m teaching her that it’s acceptable for a partner to be immature and unaccountable. It breaks my heart to think of her growing up with those beliefs. I can’t let her see that as normal or acceptable in a relationship.

I know you probably don’t see it the way I do, and that’s part of the reason why we’re here. It’s not that you can’t change, but it’s clear now that you don’t believe you need to. And after all this time, I have to accept that. I’ve tried everything I could, but I can’t keep sacrificing myself in hopes that things will get better when the truth is, they haven’t.

This isn’t about being heartless or giving up without thought. It’s taken years of patience, love, and careful consideration to come to this point. I’ve tried to meet you halfway, but I can’t keep waiting for something that may never happen. I need to take care of myself now, and that means letting go—for me and for her.